Marriage Matters at Crossroads

by Elizabeth Reeves

Most came because they wanted to; others expressed reticence. Some came with toddlers in tow, others as empty nesters. Some came newly married, others with decades of experience. Some knew they needed it; others didn’t. Regardless, forty of us showed up. We came because the Lord drew us… and for six weeks of Sundays, we met with a common goal; we wanted to grow our marriages.

Our class, “Marriage Matters”, covered a wide range of topics including ways to communicate, confront, and resolve conflict, and learning techniques for listening, encouraging, and responding to our partners’ needs. The emphasis was on gaining tools for building a healthier, God-honoring marriage. Some of us arrived with more tools in our toolboxes than others. But, no matter, we all had work to do.

So, work we did. On Sunday evenings, the group gathered in the high school room to hear Pastor Ed Lech’s opening lessons. Unassuming, knowledgeable, loving, and precise, Ed sat atop his stool, and taught. He provided us the material we needed to begin the work. Armed with information and Biblical truths, we headed into our small groups of 8-10 people. Initially, faces were unfamiliar. Yet, over time, we worked together to analyze case studies, apply Scripture, and create game plans. We prayed together. And over a six-week period, we grew heart links. These are bonds forged from “doing life” side-by-side, from sharing victories and struggles, from talking over cups of coffee and, of course, praying. It’s what body life is meant to be, and we delighted in it.

Then, there was the third part of the course–homework. This is where the rubber met the road. Theoretically, the material presented in class was sound; practically, it meant work…often, hard work. Remembering that little of value comes easily, each couple made intentional choices. We set aside time blocks to focus on our marriages. We gave careful thought to answering assigned questions. We tried out new tools. We prayed as husbands and wives, sharing hearts, breaking down barriers.

At times, the process was a challenge. Even though I realize marriage is one of Satan’s prime targets, every now and then I forget. In the heat of the moment, I sometimes think it’s my husband I’m doing battle with, instead of the enemy. Thankfully, God’s truth reminds me that my marriage is meant to mirror Christ’s love for His bride and, with renewed vigor, I choose to fight for my marriage, do the hard work, and yield to my Lord’s molding.

When I do so, I’m able to see my husband in a fresh light. He’s my guy: my protector, provider, leader, and lover. He’s the one I strive to know by observing and listening and honoring. He’s the one to whom I reveal myself, by being transparent, vulnerable, and available. Granted, our relationship is flawed… but he’s my guy, and I’m his girl. And we’re working to become more selfless, authentic, and appreciative of one another’s uniqueness. So, the works not done; it’s ongoing. But, the most valuable things in life take time to nurture and grow.
When all was said and done the “Marriage Matters” class produced benefits galore as evidenced by the following comments:

“It forced us to slow down, look at our marriage, and deal with issues we just push under the carpet.”
It enabled us to “discuss things … in constructive, controlled conversations.”
It “helped me to see blind spots in our relationship.”
It “made me focus more on the health of our marriage and reminded me to make it more of a priority.”
It “opened the door for me to communicate in a manner of honoring and respecting my spouse and doing it with an open mind.”
It has given me the “boldness to be open and honest.”
It “helped me to see things from my spouse’s point of view- to see our differences as a good thing not a bad thing.”
It “helped me be more aware of [my husband's] needs but also gave me a lot of reinforcement in areas that I am doing right.”
It helped “create a new heart in me. I didn’t want to come for the first four weeks ….. but as I did, the Lord softened my heart and showed me that He was in control and could fix anything.”
“I found praying out loud together the most amazing.”
It has “made both of us realize how important it is for our marriage to come before our children.”
It “addressed what we needed to hear.”

The fruit from our weeks together is evident. We pray that, as we abide in the Lord, taking new tools in hand, our marriages will continue to grow so they will more fully reflect our Lord’s character, bringing honor and glory to Him. As we were reminded, our marriages really do matter!